Hello, My Name is...
- Lydia Summer
- Mar 27, 2018
- 9 min read
"Child of the one true King!"
Honestly, at this point in my walk with Christ, that is the only name I want to be associated with when people get to know me.
I want my entire life to be for God and throughout all areas and aspects of my life. Whether it be at the workplace or through social media, I want people to know that I'm giving everything up to Him and for Him. However, that definitely wasn't the case, up until this past year - a year after I graduated from college.
I am an army brat. My parents met in the army and married within the year and have been traveling ever since. [Their story is absolutely beautiful and I would love to share that some day with y'all!] 4 siblings and 13 years later in Paris, France, I was born. Although my little brother and I (born almost three years later) didn't have as much travel time in our childhood, I would definitely say that I have a wayfaring soul. I've lived in Paris, France; Brussels, Belgium; Detroit, Michigan; Peoria, Illinois (where my parents and brothers currently reside); and I am now currently living in San Antonio, Texas.
I'm thankful to have had the opportunity to move around a lot, because I believe each city (excepting Paris) was beneficial for my walk with Christ.
Brussels taught me to have child-like faith. Between the ages of 6 and 8, I went to an English speaking school (my prior three years were spent in a French speaking school) and almost everyday, one of my friends would get mad about something and storm off to the playground in a huff. Once I caught up to her, I always asked her the classic WWJD: "What would Jesus do?"
At that age, I thought everyone was a Christian, including myself. I thought that everybody went to church, just like my family did every week, and I thought everyone knew about Jesus. So I had no filters on what I said to people and just went around asking everyone the same question. That's pretty much all I did. And, let me be clear, I was not a Christian at this time. I thought I was because my family was and because I went to church, but I found out later that just because my family were Christians, that didn't mean I was.
Regardless of that, looking back at that time, I wish for that same boldness that 8-year-old me had at that time. Sometimes I wish I could go up, unafraid, to someone, whether they know Jesus or not, and, instead of asking them "WWJD", I'd ask, "Do you know about the love of Jesus has for you?" "Do you know about the God above who created you inside your mother's womb?" "Do you know that, no matter what you've done in your past, God still wants to call you His child?"
But reality hits even at a young age. When I was 8 years old, my family moved to Detroit, Michigan. Let me tell you, if there was ever a place to find out that not everyone was a Christian, Detroit was it. Granted, I lived in the suburbs, just outside of the city, but the school I went to was far different than my school back in Belgium. I don't know how I came to the realization that not everyone was a Christian, but something in me was scared to talk about Jesus as freely as I had done in Belgium. It was like a voice inside me told me to be careful because I was not going to receive acceptance from everyone about my faith. At 8 years old, that was the year that I lost my confidence in sharing the love of Jesus.
I came to know Jesus as my Lord and Savior at my church in Michigan at 8. One Sunday School morning, I finally heard from our teacher that I wasn't born a Christian, like I originally believed. I finally heard the words that I was a sinner in need of Jesus to save me. They did tell me about the realities of heaven and hell, but I already knew about that, and my decision to become a Christian was not because I was scared of going to hell after I died. I just knew in that moment that I never accepted Jesus into my life and declared Him to be my Savior, so when my teacher prayed THE prayer, I prayed silently along with her. And when I was 10 years old, I was baptized before my church family.
It was in Detroit, Michigan - a city with a bad rep - where I truly began my relationship with Jesus.
Because my dad retired from the military and started working for CATERPILLAR while we were living in Belgium, he was finally transferred to where I believe most people working for the company eventually get placed: Peoria, Illinois - previously known as the headquarters of this grand company. I was entering 7th grade when we made another move.
Peoria is a special place. Although, I became a little underwhelmed by the lack of things to do in the small city (no offense to my Peoria friends!), I fell in love with the community I found there. I have met some of my best friends and some of the best people while I lived there, and it still holds a special place in my heart.
Before Peoria, I always went to a public school. But when we moved I asked my parents that they, please, put me in a Christian school. I had no idea if there was one, but because I loved Jesus, I wanted to be surrounded by others that loved Him as well. They, to my surprise, said yes!
Although I was thoroughly happy to be at my school, I came to find out that, of course, not everyone was a Christian. That rumors still went around, feelings were still hurt, cliques were still a thing.....that we are all still sinners. I was thankful to have been in this atmosphere, because, again, it taught me that people hurt people, and that, only through Christ, where He teaches us how to love and to be a better person, can we learn how to treat others.
High school had some good moments, but I was never really myself, except when I was around my closest friends. I never knew what potential I had because I felt so boxed in the labels that others put me in. Even now, as I'm writing this, I can't help but tear up thinking back to my 16 year old self, and wishing I could comfort her to tell her that she was not what people thought of her to be. But, although, I didn't feel like I belonged, and I was fighting my own feelings about my self-worth, I found my life verse in high school. "Then I called on the Name of the Lord, 'O, Lord, save me!' The Lord is gracious and righteous, our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the simplehearted. When I was in great need, He saved me." Psalm 116:4-6
It was while I lived in Peoria that God taught me that even when you feel unworthy and unloved, He is there to tell you otherwise.
It wasn't until I moved to San Antonio for college that I really began to know who I am and really break out from the mold I was in from high school. This was a good and bad thing.
The good: I found out that I am an extrovert; that I am funny; that I love people and making new friends is one of my favorite things to do. I was finding out more about myself than I ever knew and I was loving who I was becoming. I was involved in InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, and met some incredible people that I still keep in contact with, even almost six years later. God released me from a sin that held me captive for ten years and I grew the most in my relationship with Christ in the first year and a half of college. You could say life was going well for me in the first half of college!
However, then comes the bad. I realized the most about myself during that same period of time, that I liked to play God. I didn't realize it at the time, but I did. I love being the person people come to to pour their hearts out and to confide in, but I never gave what people laid out to me over to God. The more people shared what was on their hearts - their hurt and their sorrow - the more that I became burdened with the same feelings. I was beginning to feel less like the person I was at the start of college, and more heavy laden with the burdens that I put on my own self.
I could have given it over to God. I could have prayed for my friends who were hurt and let go of any burdens I may have put on myself.
But I didn't. I wanted to play God.
I wanted to fix their problems. I wanted to be their hero. I wanted all the glory to go to me.
Well, as you can imagine, it all blew up in my face. I lost some meaningful friendships and I broke down - hard.
I went into a deep depressive state starting just before my junior year of college and I was so angry with God when I put myself in that state (yes - I did it to myself), that I began to drift away from him. I didn't necessarily doubt His presence, but I definitely doubted in His love for me. I doubted His goodness. I doubted Him actually being there for me.
I started to turn into a person I didn't like, and for the latter part of my college career, I wished that I could have gone back to the person I once was - happier, more at peace, more in love with Jesus. But, even with how I got out of my depression, I still relied on my own strength.
After college was hard also. I decided I was going to get serious about my relationship with Jesus and go to church again. I was lucky! The first church I went to go visit the Sunday after I moved in to my apartment in San Antonio, I felt at home and knew that that church was going to be the place God wanted me to invest in.
However, when I allowed my heart to be so distant from God for so long, it was hard for me to discipline myself to be in the Word again. And my wanting to be in a relationship with a man wasn't helping. I desired to be in communion with God, but I wasn't willing to put the work in 100%. I was in community with a life group at church, but I was unable to put my all in that group either. In my entire life, I have never been in a relationship, yet I was finding myself putting my desire to be in a relationship with a man above my desire to be in a better relationship with my peers or, more importantly, with my Jesus.
At the start of the new year (2017), I was able to see the idols I placed in my life and dedicated that year to being single (on purpose) and having the only Man I give time to, to my heavenly Father. That decision was probably one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life! It was in that year that I grew closer to Jesus and developed deeper friendships in Christ and began to get more involved in my church.
[On another blog post, I'll go more into detail about the struggles and blessings of dedicating an extended amount of time being single and needing to say no to a relationship during that time.]
I am now a Youth Group (or Ablaze) leader for 7th grade girls with two other incredibly strong women of God, and I am absolutely loving it. True, it also reminds me why I never went down the education route, but developing relationships with these girls is incredibly fulfilling and I can't imagine my life without these young women in it.
I am continuing my passion for singing and am blessed to be a part of the worship team at my church. I continue to see God's goodness in my life, even when things get a little rough (which, believe me, I've had my fair share of storms), and I'm incredibly blessed to be in the place He's put me at in my life. I'm continuing to learn how to grow deeper in His love and following His voice to share that same love to those that He places in my life, whether it be in my every day life, or through social media, or through this blog. What I know, for sure, is that my journey is just beginning and God has even more in store. Not only for me, but for you as well. No matter where you are at in your walk with Christ, there is always something more in store for you.
I shared earlier that I had a hard time learning to let go of the burdens that I placed on my shoulders whenever someone came to me to share what was on their hearts. Well, God has taught me that I need to always give everything up to Him. It's a continuous process as I know I will always struggle learning to let go, but this is why I believe He wanted me to start this blog. I believe that God wants me to always remember, and perhaps to remind my readers as well, to always place everything down to Him at the foot of the cross.
Photo Credit: @fomascine
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