On January 21, 2019 I was prompted by God to go on vocal rest for two days. What I thought was just going to be a time to rest my voice for one day to try and regain my voice back (it's been gone since I've been here because of the volcanic fog, or "vog" in the air) actually became a prompting from God to go two days in a complete vow of silence for Him. It was an opportunity for God to teach me many lessons and a time where God completely humbled me.
As I started to worship without singing that first day on Monday morning in our campus wide worship set, I realized that I tend to spend way too much time focusing on how I can sound my best when I sing than I do in actually listening to the words of the song. That morning as I stayed silent, I actually listened. Not only to the lyrics, but also to the sound of praise surrounding me. Let me tell you, there is nothing more beautiful than to hear God's children singing out LOUD and PROUD for Him! I was so moved, that I had to bow down to the ground and ask God this question (the first time of many throughout those two days):
"Lord what do you think of this worship?"
His response was this image:
Above the Ohana Court (our place to gather and worship as a campus) there was a circle of angels surrounding us, moving in a circle while half of them raised their trumpets to praise alongside us. (I could almost hear the sound of the trumpets playing alongside the worship band!) As they played, they ascended into heaven, and as they entered, you could see the citizens of heaven rejoicing alongside us, shouting their excitement over us giving praise to the Father.
God told me that our praise gives Him so much joy, as it does us to praise Him.
As I went throughout my day that Monday, I honestly thought that I would be alone with God for most of the day because I figured that people wouldn't want to hang out with me when I couldn't talk to them. Not only was that a lie from the enemy, but God showed me that the opposite was true. I found myself surrounded by people all day and I am glad I didn't spend it all by myself because I wouldn't have realized the following things about myself:
1. I talk...a lot.
To the point that I realized I don't like silences because I think it's awkward. I always think that when there's silence, I need to break it and fill it with something. To be honest, it was only awkward for me, but when I pushed past that, I really liked being with people and just being silent with them.
2. Sometimes my talking allows me to miss out on what's happening around me.
At ministry night (a night filled with worship, sharing testimonies, praying for healing, a time for intercessory prayer) that first day of silence, I knew for the first time what it meant for my soul to sing! Because I was only mouthing the words and not singing out loud, I felt the Spirit move me into such a wild, crazy love for Him that I couldn't help but to dance for joy for Him; to jump wildly for Jesus; to literally sing with my soul because my mouth couldn't.
And, again, I was moved by the outpour of spirit on my brothers and sisters in Christ. I have a horrible sense of smell normally, but I was extremely aware of everyone's body odor (including my own) and I laughed! This is going to sound weird but I was so happy about this smell because at this Ministry Night I have never seen so much joy for God in that place than I ever had experienced before in my lifetime, and smelling the body odor just made me think about how people were giving their whole all to the Lord in that moment. Dancers came on stage also, giving their praise in the best way they could express to Jesus, with their hearts on their sleeves; an older man jumped up and down with my friends and me, so excited to be there with us, worshipping our Savior together, giving us all high fives; people praying over each other words of encouragement; crazy testimonies being shared - it was such a fun night praising God, and I feel like if I had used my voice, concentrating on singing the right notes, comparing myself with others' voices, I would have missed out on this beautiful experience in full.
I asked God again, "Lord, what do you think of this worship?" The image I received was one of where our souls in that court were being lifted up into heaven, leaving behind the earth and making it seem so small that you couldn't even see it as a speck and He said, "Though you think you are small in number or in size to Me, I see you. I see your worship. I see your soul song and it gives me great joy and delight."
3. Sometimes talking out loud isn't what a person needs.
God showed me through a friend's hurt that sometimes what someone needs most is to just be silent, give them a hug and grieve with them. Sometimes talking actually hurts a person in that moment instead of helping them.
Take Job and his friends for example. Job 2:13 says, "And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great." They knew in that moment that being silent was the best way to comfort Job. Before they spoke and gave unwise counsel, this was Job's greatest comfort, and they were wise not to say anything to him until Job spoke to them.
4. I tend to not think before I speak.
Because I couldn't talk, I had more time to write down what I wanted to say and I was able to make sure I was writing down words of life, instead of death, and to make sure what I was writing down what God wanted me to share with someone if they asked for my advice. During those two days I thought about Colossians 4:6 a lot, which says this, "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."
5. Sometimes my talking allows me to miss out on being truly authentic.
For whatever reason, I couldn't sleep at all the night leading up to my second day of silence. But I'm glad I didn't sleep because during our morning lesson that second day, I had the chance to be by myself to process and pray for forgiveness over those who have hurt me and that I have heard back, and I allowed myself to actually feel and dig up feelings that I had suppressed for a long while. Writing down my prayers allowed me to remember what has happened in the past, whereas had I prayed out loud, I would have prayed a fiery, yet overall generic prayer, for forgiveness instead of digging deep and allowing myself to be truly authentic before God.
Because I was silent, I was listening more. I was able to hear teachings from guest speakers and friends and my spirit was actually moved and convicted with what they had to say. I was able to soak in what I heard instead of getting caught up in the hype by cheering a lot out loud.
For those who do this by way (myself included), there is absolutely nothing wrong with whoopin' and hollerin' for the Lord and He loves it! But sometimes I let the hype get in the way of my relationship with God. I allow my talking to get in the way of hearing God in the quiet and when I pray to Him.
That second day we had a time of intercessory prayer with our classmates and, again, because I wasn't able to speak out loud I was able to hear the beautiful prayers all around me and my hear soared over the beautiful souls in the tent in which we meet and where we prayed. When we prayed, I saw that our souls were pouring out and revealing our zeal for God and our desire to make Him known throughout the nations. I, once more, asked God what He thought about us in that moment, and the image He gave me was one where He was smiling at us from His throne, in love with us all the more because we were praying to Him.
Friends, our Father listens to our prayers! I saw another image of Him receiving our prayers and I know that, in those moments of praying over ending Bible poverty that day, hearts were being touched as we prayed by God because we prayed it and He heard it! We don't have to guess to know if God cares about our prayers or hears them because 1 John 5:14 says, "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us." I'm so glad that I was quiet over those two days because I believe, more now than ever, that God listens to prayers, and even if I may not see the fruit of them, I believe He will answer them if it's according to God's will and His Word.
I know that God has given me a voice to use as a tool to use in some form or fashion. And, praise God that He gave me voice back after those two days of silence, I knew that I didn't care if I didn't get it back. Because of my vow of silence, God showed me more of Him and His heart, and He broke down more walls around my own heart than I ever thought He would in that time frame.
Now I know how to worship with my soul; I know how to love on people without necessarily using my voice; I know how to watch what I say (though I will fail still sometimes); I know how to be more sensitive to the spirit; and I know how to praise God without my words, which is the biggest blessing I could have ever hoped to have received during those two days. I am so thankful for a God that wants to share His heart with His children and I'm so thankful He called me to do this and I obeyed.
If God ever calls you to do something that you may think is really difficult for you to do (as not talking was for me) and if it's good and according to what His word says, I encourage you to listen and obey. You'll never know what kind of teachings and blessings you could receive.
Photo Credit: @maryvirginiaj